Proof I am not, in fact, dead

Obligatory Christmas Tree Shot from Progressive Dinner

Contrary to popular speculation, I have NOT shrugged off my mortal coil to leave you all desperately scrambling for a new source of comparative analyses of cat litter and rambling missives on cow culture.

I'll just say this. Thank you to all who have been concerned for my well-being and I'll let you know as soon as this monumental bout of latent-onset ADD has subsided.

In the mean time, here is a little movie of Anna being awarded her Blue Belt in Tae Kwon Do from last night. YOU ROCK, ANNA!!!




That's all I have for now. So, in case I don't have another lucid moment until the New Year is upon us... Merry Christmas, Yall!

It doesn't take much

Around here, snow is so infrequent and short-lived we swing into high gear at the first hint of a flake. We'll be lucky if we get a half inch, down here in the balmy lower reaches of Chehalem Valley, but we'll enjoy it like there's a foot of the stuff.


Despite the less-than-profuse amounts of fluffy precipitation, it is still cold enough that water troughs freeze over and the cows are disinclined to graze on the frigid pasture grass.

This December scene...


... is the reason...

... for this stifling, dusty, hot one back in August.

The cats also have a lot of fun figuring out all these crazy white feathers that vanish as soon as they hit one's wet nose... little bits of disappearing cold, white bird?

I am forced to wonder if Boo thinks his chances of actually catching something have skyrocketed due to this brief instance of environment for which he is, at last, suitably camouflaged. Ordinarily, his 20+ pounds of glowing whiteness makes him so conspicuous as to preclude any chance of sneaking up on anything with even the most feeble sense of sight. Were it not for the cat food dispenser, and my constant refilling of it, he would surely starve.

As I'm finishing this post, the snow has been replaced by fat, chunky rain and blustering wind. We're battening down the hatches and drawing precautionary water reserves in anticipation of the impending storm.

I'm soooo happy I had the opportunity yesterday to get out to the store... and to my raw milk place... and, most importantly, THE COFFEE ROASTER!

Weekend housebound caffeine withdrawal...? ::shudder::

Instead, we'll be enjoying the final Harry Potter book by a blazing fire with no need of anything from the outside world beyond weather reports to know how long our blissful seclusion will last.

Except for my imminent treks out to feed my pasture prima donnas, who will undoubtedly find sideways rain as undesirable dining conditions as gently falling snow, the rest of the weekend should prove rich in much-needed, decompressive coziness.

I hope yours is equally rejuvenating.

Peace, Y'all!

A Quick Gulp of Air

Anna's Madarin Monkey sculpture.

Doesn't have anything to do with this post, I just like it.

No, I haven't died or fallen off the planet.

Life is just big, here on the Ranch. Really big.

Thus, the neglected blog.

I have stories to tell, but they will have to wait until I find a worthy vessel, or the tide turns benevolent and gently deposits me on the warm, sandy shore of "the usual chaos."

Until then, I've donned my snorkel and am vigilantly scanning the horizon for any encouraging sign of terra firma.

Since it is ME we're talking about, however, a "dingy" would be probably be the most appropriate form of rescue.

Peace, Ya'll.

The Bling's The Thing

I tried an experiment over the weekend and it worked beautifully!

As you know, I'm big on trying out non-toxic ways to clean stuff.

Among my faves are baking soda, vinegar and hydrogen peroxide.

Well, let me just tell you that when it comes to cleaning all the gunk and bread-flour-turned-to-glue out of every nook and cranny, hydrogen peroxide is amazing!

I tossed, um, gently placed my rings and James's into a small bowl of HO2 and kinda forgot about them for a couple of hours. When I finally remembered and dug them back out again, I was astonished! I expected them to be cleaner, but MAN! They looked brand new and were sparkling before I even got them all rinsed off and polished up.

You know what I discovered?

There are actual DIAMONDS in these rings! Whoa...

Now, if you'll excuse me I must get back to geekin' out over the *Panther OS I just installed on my MacPro. (Do you smell another rave post coming...?)

Cheers, Y'all!

*EDIT: Make that LEOPARD!! I'm such a dork. What's with Apple and all the cat names... the cats... THE CATS!!!! TOO... MANY... CATSSS!!!!

For Grammar Geeks Only

From the NY Times online...


Joke of the Day:

It's not who you know; it's whom you know.

What I've Learned From Our Cows...

... so far.

I get the impression they really enjoy "teaching me a lesson" whenever they get the chance.


#1. Over-Grazing is BAD: And I don’t just mean stuffing yourself on appetizers to the point of excruciating pain. It is what happens when good people are forced to do bad things with cows… like having too many of them in too small of a pasture for just long enough that they totally mow down every edible blade of grass that competes with the weeds that aren’t. Among other infestations, it can lead to… and don’t even get me started on... the scourge that IS, Tar Weed.

#2 Tailgating can kill you: Never walk behind a cow or calf closer than about eight feet. One sharp noise or rude comment about their weight and you’ll be waking up, flat on your back in cow poo wondering how to spell “Fractured Sternum.”

#3. Avoid butt-heads: A full-grown cow’s head weighs, I’m guessing, about 60 pounds all by itself. When attached to an irritated bovine, in addition to housing all that pent-up angst and resentment for being treated like some kind of common farm animal, it can also, when swung properly, act as a very effective human catapult capable of slinging the average 150-pound individual roughly six to eight feet. I have personal experience to back up this assertion, in case you’re skeptical about my authority on the subject.

#4. Beware of sticky situations: Cow poo is the lesser-known forerunner of Velcro®. Just try to get it off your boots.

#5. Watch your step: No matter how much room they have. No matter how many times I muck out the barn to keep it a pleasant, healthy place for them to sleep and eat. Every… single… day… somebody leaves a “pie” RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DOOR WAY. I have come to believe this is their idea of a joke. ha. ha. ha. See lesson #4.

#6. Don't let yourself be intimidated: Staring down 600 pound animals on a daily basis takes a certain amount of panache... or at least it does when you're a chick who has only been living closely with cows for about three years. Any large animal vet can tell you that cows are prey animals and they know it. All you have to do is act like you're bigger than them, they believe it and that leaves you pretty much in control.

Right.

I use a combination of a firm tone of voice, sharp movements and bribery to get them to make me think they're submitting to my will. I don't even feel the need to carry a baseball bat when I get anywhere near them anymore so I think I've made brilliant progress... I am, however, not above leaping to relative safety over a stall gate with the grace and agility of a drunken hippo should my projection of confidence and superiority prove unconvincing.

Truth is, I love the big hairy dears. I think they can sense that and choose to let me feel like I'm in charge... at least as long as I keep making with the cow candy and sweet talk...


That's all the barnyard wisdom I have to impart for now.

Until Bossy, Princess and the Girls school me further... Ciao, Yall!

I almost spit coffee out my nose.

Some things are just *naturally* funny... juvenile, perhaps, but really, really funny nonetheless. Make sure all liquids are at a safe distance and enjoy.