True Love

How do you know when it's the Real Thing?

When your man builds you a fire in the middle of June because he knows just how much you would love it... then, puts on his reading glasses so he can see what he's doing while he paints your toes in front of said fire...

THAT, Ladies, is the man to keep for the rest of your days.

Thank you for the AMAZING birthday, Honey, and Happy Fathers Day, too!

I Love you more than "love."

Things I Know For Sure Now That I'm 42

In my four-plus decades on this planet, I have learned, or perhaps more accurately realized and assimilated, more in the past 24 months than in the sum of the previous 480.

These realizations range from profound to just plain silly and what follows is a by-no-means-complete list in no particular order:

• There is no greater or more powerful path to REAL Freedom than complete surrender to Truth. The process for me hasn't been pretty, easy, instantaneous or anything less than excruciating, but the payoff has truly been life-changing. "The Truth Shall Set You Free" may be a cliché ... that doesn't make it any less accurate. The thing about secrets is, you don't realize how heavy they are until you have none. What sweet relief!


• Miracles happen. Every day. Everywhere. You've just got to be willing to see them for what they are and stop using limiting, cyinical words like "coincidence," "accident," and "fluke." God loves us and wants to surprise us with happy things like any loving parent does. This morning He surprised me with two, very appreciated gifts: My children slept until nearly 10:00 (which NEVER happens) AND a "bouquet" of daisies that just appeared in our pasture this morning, right outside my kitchen window. These are the ONLY daisies in our pasture. Two acres of weeds and grass, never one daisy and precisely on June 20th... Boom. Like I said. Little miracles.


• When he puts his mind to it, my husband is an excellent cook! This morning he got inspired to make me strawberry crepes for my birthday... and he knocked it out of the park! I'm quite certain that if he ever got truly turned on to the idea, he would outstrip my culinary abilities in a heartbeat. While I await that glorious day, however, I will just enjoy his momentary gourmet outbursts and my current reign as primary house chef.





• Crepes are an absolutely outstanding way to serve fresh strawberries!

• And when you run out of crepes, they're really awesome on left over strawberry dumpling noodles, too.

• My children are two of the most Spiritually aware and powerful people I know.

• I LOVE to mow the lawn! (As long as I'm using our riding mower.)

• I enjoy doing stuff in the yard a whole lot more than I ever thought I would and am now a little obsessed with landscaping, plants and the outside of the house in general.

• There is nothing on this earth that can overpower the fierce beauty of Grace.
Definition:
Grace: 1. (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
2. My youngest daughter.
Take your pick, they are both truly AMAZING.

• I am certain, no matter how old they get, my children will never outgrow their passion for dirt.



• My oh-so-fragile preemie, first-born has blossomed into a vibrant, resilient, generous, brilliant young woman who embodies genuine love and intense gentleness. Anna can smell God in the approach of a rain cloud, see Him in the emerging chartreuse hues of Spring's first tender shoots and respects every creature and being as unique and precious... from potato bug to toddler.

• My husband is a study in unknown depths. Just when I'm certain I know all there is to him he'll surprise me with some insightful observation, unexpected wisdom, or tender expression that takes my breath away. I am beyond grateful that I had the unparalleled honor and privilege to marry him twice!

• I have never been more contented or truly joyful in my life and there is no place or time I would rather live than here and now and no other person I would rather be than me.

• To say I am "fortunate" is an understatement of Biblical proportions... fact is... looking at my life and the Grace, Love, Abundance and Blessing that define it, I'm convinced I'm God's favorite! :D


Happy June 20th, Y'all!

My new favorite B&B!

Cozy!

Romantic!

Amazingly affordable!

Best of all...


...it is my very own bedroom!


There's much more updating to be done in the rest of the house, but I really wanted to pay proper tribute to James' and my Divine love affair by starting with our boudoir.

I surprised him with all the accessories, but we painted the room as a family weekend project and got it all done in a day! Go team!




Before: Like, yuck, man.



During: For your next home improvement project, I highly recommend child labor! They have a ball, work for potato chips and soda, and have no idea your totally exploiting them! Now that's what I call a "win/win!"



Ahhhhh... it's just so nice to have an actual grown-up's bedroom and not a storage room with a bed in it.

These little beads dangling off the burgundy *velvet* valance are so sweet,
they just make me tingly all over...

So TRUE!! The picture really doesn't do it justice. Rats.

I absolutely adore walking into our bedroom to the aroma of freshly cut roses and herbs! So rejuvenating and inspiring, I think.

For a couple hundred dollars and a little effort, I'm so pleased with the way it turned out. No, it'll never make it into Portland Spaces Magazine, but I could afford it and it just feels so much better. I absolutely love the way this room looks at night... especially from the outside.

I once walked up the path that runs in front of our house and peeked in the window to see this inviting nest aglow in soft candle light. I thought to myself, "Wow, that looks like a really lovely place to stay... I would love to spend the night here with my Honey... Hey! I can and will every single night of my life. Sweet!"

Slowly but surely, I'm living my dream. I am so blessed!

Folks, it's like the tag line on this blog says... "There is no place *but* home."

Make yours beautiful and inviting to you.


Up next: Operation Master Bath!!

A Late, Late Mother's Day Report

Yes, Angelina, I will be keeping the hat. We've had adventures together and now I can't bear to part with it. I knew you would especially appreciate a picture of me wearing it in a boat... drinking wine and eating chocolate... and, yes, even fishing... poorly.

Last Saturday, my wonderful family took me out to Camp Tilikum for a belated Mother's Day outing. Since *The* Mother's Day was spent honoring *our* moms, I was more than happy to wait for my day.

James did an excellent job of planning the whole thing and keeping it a secret from me. I *never* get to be surprised... being the mom and generally pretty observant, it's nearly impossible to keep me from figuring out what's going on, even when I don't want to know.

I had an idea of what he had in store for me, but nothing definite and certainly didn't know any details... and I loved it!

He packed a bag full of loveliness including wine, cheeses, bread, soda, water, ham and, of course, chocolate which we ate in a canoe while fishing in the lake! Well, Anna actually fished. I did my very best impression of a person who has been fishing maybe once in her life and slashed at the air with my pole while the fished mocked me openly.

Anna caught five fish.

All I had to show for my efforts was a lopsided sunburn on my right arm.

She was in her glory!

It was an amazing outing that was immediately followed by a trip to the Cameo to see Prince Caspian and dinner. A better day I cannot imagine. Very well worth the wait.

Thank you so much, my Darlings. I am so very Blessed.

Directive of the day

Do some unexpected kindness for someone close to you... or anyone, really.

Random acts of kindness and spontaneous expressions of love are never a waste of time and always make me feel even better than the person for whom I do them. It's the best antidote I know for my own bad attitude or personal funk.

I'm a total junkie for the response... and am horrible at keeping surprises... so, yea, it's totally a selfish thing for me to make someone else happy. I think it's a good kind of selfish, though. :)

Get out there and pay it forward, Y'all!

God spoke to me through Thai food.

It's important to recognize when the fortune cookie is smarter than you are.

The wisdom delivered here hit me right between the eyes. It goes far beyond exposing the recklessness of deception. It's also a reminder I can't put anything over on God.

I have finally *really* figured out that I can't show God a particular side of me. He sees the WHOLE of me... "warts and all" as they say. What's more He LOVES the whole of me and doesn't hold my warts against me. He isn't even repulsed by the great big booger hanging off my nose. All He sees is the being that He created me to be.

Beautiful. Radiant. Flawless.

That doesn't mean anyone else sees me that way, or needs to, or that I think I'm perfect because God sees me that way. It REALLY doesn't mean that He thinks I don't need any improvement or correction. God has been correcting my ass off in recent months. What it means is that I don't need to be self-conscious, because I'm good enough, just the way I am, for anyone... even me.

Which brings me to the other truth that this fortune cookie revealed to me...

I can't outwit myself, either.

No matter what persona I project or how I wrestle parts of myself back in fear that people will be uncomfortable with me at "full strength," or perhaps they'll realize just what a doofus and fraud I really am, the "real me" is still there. Who I am lurks just below the surface clambering to be seen and heard in more than just regulated, censored cameo appearances... because that is the person God created me to be.

I can't change it any more than I can change the color of my eyes or the length of my legs.

I don't need to fear negative reactions because I say what I really feel. Someone just might be thinking the exact same thing. And if they don't agree, they are certainly entitled to feel differently. It doesn't mean I'm stupid, or wrong, or bad. We simply don't agree. It's not a crime or a sin to disagree.

The greatest disservice I can do those around me, especially those I love, is to withhold my honesty in a vain attempt to "protect" them somehow and display only what I think others deserve, or expect, or can handle from me. That's not to say that I need to be brutal or cruel. Just real. To say the truth and then work through their response with love and respect. That is the only way to have a firm footing.

To build a relationship while being who I *think* I'm supposed to be and expressing only what I imagine my loved ones want to hear is to live on a constantly eroding slope that will inevitably continue to fail and lack true stability until the bedrock is finally exposed.

What greater expression of Love for my family and friends could I offer than to allow the person God made me to be finally beam at full candle-power in stead of a feeble attempt at acceptable fashioned by my own floundering, myopic humanness? To quote Ani DiFranco, "I'm 32 Flavors and then some..." My family deserves them all... not just the ones I *think* they like.

How will they know they like pistachio unless I give them a chance to try it?

Mint Chocolate Chip?

Licorice, anyone?

What better gift and show of respect for my Creator than to quit camouflaging His design?

I'm done being afraid of who I am.

I'm pretty much done with fear in general. Fear is the opposite of Love.

I'm ready to Live Out Loud.

I'm ready to break free of self-imposed twilight.

At last, I am ready to shine... and maybe even sing.


Nothing like a little Pad Ginger with a good friend for lunch and a smack upside the head from God for dessert, eh?

A Book of Love

When my Granddad passed away 12 years ago, Grannee was more than devastated.

These two were the world's greatest lovers and had been honeymooning for more than 64 years. Suddenly, he was gone. Literally, her OTHER HALF was ripped from her and she felt helpless, hopeless and beyond alone.

She immediately moved in with my mom and step-dad where she was extremely well cared for, but nothing, of course, could take the place of her Dear George. Who could even try?

She even refused to sleep in a full sized bed because it felt too big without him spooned up behind her.

Now, Grannee and I have always had a very special and unique relationship that I cherish to this day. I am her namesake. Her "Dolly," as she used to call me. Gran and I related on a level that I can't explain and won't dare to try. When she lost her Love, all I wanted was to make the pain and loneliness stop, but realistically, who could? All I could do was remind her how much I loved her and all she was to me. She was such a profound influence on my life but I couldn't always be there at her side to remind her. I had a life of my own to attend to and knew that as time passed, it would get harder and harder for her to remember all the things I told her in our precious stolen moments together so... I decided to write her a book. A book of love that she could turn to whenever she needed to remember.

Grannee passed away on April 21st of 2006; just two weeks shy of the 10 year anniversary of when Granddad left us. Ten years without the love of her life she had spent over half a century doing life with. Wow. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that was for her.

At her memorial service, the minister read passages from my book as examples of the effect she had on me and every other person with whom she ever came in contact. (Not to mention what being around them as a couple would do to people! They were absolutely amazing... anyway) He approached me after the service and said I should publish the book. That it would mean a lot to people... at the very least, for my family.

It struck me as rather funny since it is such an intensely personal document. Who else would care about my relationship with Gran?

Well, I never got it "published" to print, but after nearly two years of sitting on it, I decided that maybe here was a good place to put it out to the world.

It's long. 37 pages even, so be forewarned. If you choose to tackle this undertaking, you will be peering into some of the most intimate thoughts and feelings I have shared with one of the single most important people to my very existence. But it is the product of so much unconditional love and encouragement that it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of all she was to and did for me and who I have become... and continue to become.

So, with that said, I present for your perusal, "A Book Of Love."

Click on each image to see it at full, actually readable, size.